The Residence Inn in Orlando

All I did today was pack the miscellaneous. There was barely even time for me to eat. Stress always does that to me before big trips - I don't eat, which makes things more stressful, which in turn leads me to less eating.

So when we rolled into Orlando tonight I insisted we go somewhere where I knew I could get a good, American portion: TGI Fridays.

Fun fact - TGI Fridays doesn't have vegetarian entrees.

Man, that's messed up. Now, I accept your hole-in-the-wall seafood restaurant offering nothing for vegetarians but a garden salad. But TGI Fridays is a national chain! How could this have happened?! I wasn't even angry, just stunned. I think I may write them some letter.

To be clear, I'm not one of those in-your-face vegetarians. I don't usually even call myself a vegetarian, I just say I don't eat meat. This is stupid of me, because my reasons are ethical. It's like those people who say, "I support women's equality, but I'm not a feminist." Yeah, yeah, I do see that feminism means a lot of different things for different people, and this statement isn't actually overtly offensive or (in my own words) stupid if taken in certain ways, but when it comes off as someone just not wanting to be identified with a movement because they're afraid of the public reception, well, that's a chicken thing to do.

I suppose the reason why I don't say I'm a vegetarian is because I still have trouble believing it myself. It's only been two years, after all.

When I ate meat, I lovedthe burgers my mom would make - they were thick, prepared so "you could still hear it moo," as she'd say. When I was done with them, there'd be a puddle of blood and oils left on my plate. My mouth waters thinking about it.

I just feel like killing an animal, or supporting the killing of an animal, when it's not necessary for me to do so, in fact, it's pretty convenient for me to avoid doing that, is disrespectful. Why condone adding more pain to the world?

There are plenty counterarguments against what I just said. The state of nature, in the animal world, isn't necessarily marked by its mercy: were we as humans to let the animals do their own thing, I'm not sure if we'd envy their situation. Granted, this is going so far as to say that humans should not own animals period, which is different from what I said. But my point is that, if we didn't kill animals, something would. People have also told me, "but in nature an animal would kill you! why do they deserve our respect?" (in so many words)

I'm sure this is true for plenty of animals. Probably not cows, chickens, most of the types of fish I'd eat, etc. Still, buying into that argument was not my intention -

The thing I like about humanity is that we CAN respect things. Say what you will about our state, make all the naturalistic fallacies you want, but we have some incredible potential. Why not honor that? What if it's true, what if, when all is said and done, there is no value we can assign to animals, say that we decide only moral agents get rights, or even respect, and no animals are moral agents (all of this is debatable as hell), say, beyond all this, they have no intrinsic value.

Say all of this, but then I still wonder, Why? Why cause pain, when we don't have to?

I'd compare it to huddling around in the grass. Do you remember that, when you were little, at soccer practice? Your coach would sit you down with his or her X's and O's, and you'd sit Indian style and zone off to where ever you went. You'd come to to the chorus of grass ripping. Yep, everyone clenched big piles of grass in their fists and pulled, listening to it tear and rip out of the earth.

What a pointless exercise, and what a human thing to do. Pulling out the grass without even realizing it. Sure, it makes a satisfying noise, but it's totally pointless. That grass was living, so we gave it a trim. I think that meat eating is kind of the same way to me, at this point. I'm not sure the value of the pain, I'm not even sure if some things I don't eat feel pain (scallops?!), but it just... I don't know. I don't want to do that anymore.

Counterargument: Vegetables are alive at one point, right?

Yeah, and here's what I'd say to that,

Okay, first of all, I can't just go around not eating vegetables. Yes, there is a type of diet where you only eat things that've fallen to the earth or are clearly dead. You know what? Too bad, that's way too hard for me.

Counterargument to that: Then eat meat instead? Why value animal meat over vegetable meat?

That's hard for me to answer. I can't in any real way, I'd say. It's easy to say, well I'm pretty sure whatever has a brain is more likely to feel pain and so that'll get preference. A cow has all them eyes and moos and a carrot doesn't make much of a noise at all. This makes me think there's more going on with the cow.

Yeahhhhh but what feels pain? Is it the mind? Where's the mind?

I have no clue. I took a course on this, and I don't understand what a mind is. But I can say that I couldn't tell you which is more likely to have a mind, a cow or a carrot, from a philosophical perspective.

What I can say is that at some point I have to bow down to my own intuitions. On paper, what I'm about to say is full of crap, but it's how I practice things.

It just makes sense to me that the fish is more likely to feel than the broccoli. When I slap a fish, it's going to "kick back," shall we say... BUT STILL plants to respond to things attempting to kill them, it just happens more slowly and so we perceive it a little differently. They're on a different time scale! Watch a vine in fast motion on Planet Earth and you'll see what I mean.

To sum things up:

I love strawmen.

I feel stupid hurting things when I don't have to. I *think* that animals feel more than plants, and so I'm more likely to cut animals out. I also don't think I'd be okay with eating meat if the animal went through no pain to die - again, I just ... don't think it's my place to make a decision like that. Or, again, it feels pointless to some extent that I can't articulate. This last part is confusing/gray area for me because I'm not sure what humans' place should be in our relationship to the earth.





Well I didn't quite see that ramble coming. So, TGI Fridays ended up being okay because I made them make me fajitas.

There was a suitcase fiasco before we left for Orlando. We're allowed to check two bags, 50 lbs each. I had one 30 lb-er and one 80 lb-er. I called the airline, and this would cost me $350 one way.

Dang. So I had to repack, now I'm bringing two giant suitcases with equally distributed weight.

Hmm. I need to get some things done. Wish me luck in travel tomorrow.